Best Sex Tips
When it comes to wooing
women, men aren't perfect. But perhaps guys are more selfless than their rep
suggests.
Men's Health asked readers from all
35 international editions—our largest global survey ever—what sexual skills they'd most like to improve. The most common
answers: seducing a woman more effectively and bringing her to orgasm every
time. (Find step-by-step instructions for the latter in How
to Pleasure a Woman, the X-rated sex manual from the editors of Men's
Health.)
Of course, there's another way to read this. It could
be that men from Argentina to Ukraine simply realize that our pleasure rises
and falls with hers—that by stoking her fires, they'll have hotter sex more
often.
To that end, we interviewed hundreds of women and sex experts from around the globe. The result is what
follows: an expert lesson in the universal language of lust.
Make It Easy for Her
You catch her eye from across the room. Now what?
"Playing games wastes everyone's time," says Nikki Hayia, sex editor
at Men's Health Greece. "Women prefer a man who knows what he
wants, especially if what he wants is us."
Use body positioning to advertise your confidence,
suggests Helen Fisher, a research professor in the anthropology department at
Rutgers University, in New Jersey. If you're sitting, keep an open
position—legs apart, head up, chest out, back straight. If you're standing,
position your shoulders toward her while turning your head toward your
conversational partner.
Mirror her actions to signal your attention—when she
drinks, you drink. When she changes her body position, so do you. If you see
that you and she are moving in tandem, to a beat, then it's time to make your
move. "I know whether I'm attracted to you, so I don't need a pickup
line," says Sara, a 28-year-old bartender in South Africa. "Just
introduce yourself."
Craft an Invitation that Works
"A woman who's dressed to thrill is less likely
to go home with you," says Emily Dubberley, a British sex expert and the
author of Brief Encounters: The Woman's Guide to Casual Sex. "You
don't want to be the third of 25 guys to approach her that evening."
Instead, go for the woman in the background.
"She's with a friend or two, both of whom are brighter, brasher, and
louder than she is," says Dubberley.
And remember: "A woman needs to feel as though
it's a passionate one-off, not planned," says Pam Spurr, a United
Kingdom–based sex expert and the author of Sinful Sex: The Uninhibited Guide
to Erotic Pleasure.
This depends on how you ask her to come home with you.
"Coffee at my place?" is too stark a transition, because it suggests
the party's ending. Instead, try "I've got a bottle of wine in the fridge
at home—could we carry on this conversation back there?" This suggests a
continuation of the fun.
"It's honest and exciting, and the notion of a
man with wine in the fridge is encouraging," says Spurr. "Make sure
you have fresh towels in the bathroom and clean sheets on your bed, too."
Seduce Her Early and Often
Foreplay is like an investment. Start early—way before
her clothes come off—and you'll reap greater rewards. "The longer we wait,
the better our orgasm," says Spurr.
Begin your wooing when she's unattainable—you're both
at work; she's stuck in traffic; her father just asked you to pass the salt.
"It could be a sexy e-mail or a voice mail or just a smile," says
Birgit Ehrenberg, a sex columnist in Germany. "The important thing is that
you're building the tension."
Once you're together, pay attention to the details.
"Instead of making a beeline for her breasts, try tugging on her hair
while you kiss her, exhaling near her ear, or just gently kissing her
eyelids," says Caroline Hurry, a sex writer in South Africa. "For
women, a combination of boldness and tenderness is crucial."
Awaken All Her Senses
Nearly 30 percent of the men we surveyed wish they
were better—and quicker—at seducing women. Here's the secret: Because arousal
has a cumulative effect, try to engage at least three of her senses at a time.
As Marta, a 27-year-old Italian lawyer told us, "It takes time and lots of
ingredients—smells, tastes, sounds—to heat us up."
The next time you're near a mirror, pull her close and
let her have the full view as you kiss her neck and caress her body, suggests
Sonia Parreira Duque, a clinical psychologist in Lisbon. "Or play her
favorite record, spritz her favorite fragrance around the bedroom, and leave
some small pieces of fruit and chocolate beside the bed."
One no-fail move: Give her the spa treatment.
"Choose a fragrant shampoo and swirl your fingertips around her scalp with
the warm, sudsy water," says Spurr. "The massage and fragrance will
help her relax, unleashing oxytocin, a feel-good hormone that promotes emotional
bonding." Next step: physical bonding.
Last Longer in Bed
"There's a Hungarian proverb that says, 'Do not
paint the devil on the wall, for it will appear,' " says Agnes
Beregszászi, a sex columnist in Hungary. Translation: The area of the brain
responsible for triggering orgasm is engaged whether you're trying to have one
or halt one.
Confidential: Learn the secrets to last
longer in bed, from the editors of Men's Health
The more attention you pay to your orgasm, the more
likely it is to arrive. So concentrate on gauging your partner's response to
each move instead—did she "oooh" or "ehh"?—until you find
her sweet spot.
"Good sex is like driving to a faraway
city," says Beregszászi. "You know your destination, but you need to
concentrate on the road ahead of you—turn left here, turn right there. If you
focus on what's happening now—her silky thighs on your hips, say—you can
diffuse your pleasure throughout your whole body."
Oh, and she'll love it: "When my boyfriend slows
down, I feel every bit of him," says Petra, a 30-year-old receptionist in
Belgium. "It helps me focus on the sensation, and really puts me over the
top when he begins to speed up again."
Test-Drive a Hot Foreign Import
The least-pleasing position for women—missionary—is
still the go-to move for 48 percent of American men and 42 percent of men
worldwide. You can do better. These sex positions span the earth, and might
just make it move.
Spain: The Downward Dog
Ask her to rest her chest on the bed while lifting her
rear in the air. From your knees, enter her from behind. Thrust downward
slightly and the bottom of your penis will massage her vaginal wall where her
G-spot is located.
"This position lengthens her vaginal wall,"
says Pedro Otero, a sexologist in Spain, "which tightens her and makes you
feel bigger."
India: The Fusion
Sit on the bed or floor with your legs extended out in
front of you. Lean back about 15 degrees, supporting yourself with your arms.
Ask her to sit facing you, and help her lower herself on your penis while she
leans back and supports her body with her arms behind her. Her knees should be
bent and near your shoulders.
"This is one of the few positions in which the
union of sexual organs is visible for both partners," says Mahinder Watsa,
M.D., a sex therapist in India. "That translates into an increase in
sexual excitement."
Brazil: The Amazon
Lie on your back with your knees to your chest. Ask
her to squat on your erection, facing you, one foot on each side of your
abdomen and her thighs resting on yours. Wrap your legs around her waist and
hold hands to help her balance.
"This is perfect for women who aren't strongenough to be on top for a long time," says Laura Muller, a sex advisor in
Brazil and the author of 500 Questions on Sex. "It lets her control
penetration and leaves one of your hands free to caress her clitoris."
Hungary: The Lazy Lady
In a spooning position (you're on the outside, holding
yourself up by your elbow), ask her to raise her top knee; then enter her from
behind. The angle of penetration will stimulate her G-spot while your hand
plays gently with her clitoris.
"Your chest will be hugging her back," says
Beregszászi, "so you can match your breathing and rhythm, and thus be
lulled into a very gentle, intimate togetherness." And what woman could
say no to that?
